The social media ban draws a line – parents must hold it

OPINION - Ellen Hill

So parents, one month in: how are you going with the social media ban?

No, I don’t mean how you’re coping with sulky, belligerent teenagers who insist their entire social lives have been dismantled.

I mean: how are you doing?

How are you going with cutting back on your own scrolling? How are you going with being present, properly present, with your children?

Because if the Australian government’s ban on social media for children under 16 is to have any chance of success, it will not be because of legislation alone.

It will be because parents step up and do what only parents can do: set boundaries, enforce rules and model the behaviour we expect from our children.

And that means doing the hard, exhausting, unpopular work of parenting.

The ban, which came into effect nationally on December 10, places the responsibility on 10 of the largest social media platforms to prevent under-16s from holding accounts, with hefty penalties for non-compliance.

Around 5 million Australian children fall under that age threshold, along with millions of parents now navigating a sudden shift in family life.

The government’s move acknowledges what many families already know: unrestricted access to social media is harming our kids – affecting sleep, attention, self-esteem, risk-taking behaviour and mental health.

But legislation cannot replace parental responsibility.

Fortunately, my son is now an adult, so I’m spared the daily battles many households are navigating right now.

But we were talking recently about his teenage years, specifically the nightly arguments about the phone and the ritual handover at bedtime.

Every single night, without exception.

We’d hide it each evening and regularly look into his digital activities – messages, apps social media profiles, the works.

While we would absolutely fence our son with the same digital safety barriers today, in hindsight we could have been more sensitive, collaborative and consultative.

Accredited mental health social worker and family therapist Marie Vakakis has worked with families struggling to manage technology for years, long before any proposed ban.

“Parents care deeply,” she says. “But many are exhausted, overwhelmed and stuck in constant conflict.

“When that happens, the focus shifts from connection to control, and that’s when things start to unravel.”

One of the most common things teenagers tell her is that their parents don’t listen.

“At the same time, parents tell me they’re sick of fighting and don’t know what else to do.”

The answer, she says, isn’t abandoning limits. It’s changing how they’re delivered.

Of course teens will try to circumvent the ban. That’s what kids do. They push boundaries.

They find loopholes with the ingenuity of lawyers, whether it’s borrowing devices, using friends’ accounts or migrating to platforms just outside the regulatory net.

A text exchange with my son (shared with his permission) when he was 23 illustrates the point at any age.

He and his then girlfriend had forgotten the house key.

I told him we weren’t home.

He answered cheerfully that they would “get in this way”, followed by a photo of a window slightly ajar.

I told him not to.

He responded with a photo of his 6ft 1” frame halfway through the window. Then another of him inside, closing it.

“It’s not broken,” he wrote triumphantly.

It’s our job as parents to stay one step ahead of them for their own safety.

Is it exhausting? Absolutely.

Is it relentless? Without question.

Is it worth it? Completely.

Much of the public debate around this social media ban has focused on enforcement: how platforms will verify age, how governments will police compliance and how tech companies should be held accountable.

None of it will work though if parents outsource responsibility to the state or Silicon Valley.

No law can take your child’s phone at 10pm.

No regulation can model healthy behaviour at the dinner table.

No platform rule can enforce consequences when boundaries are crossed.

It means, parents, understanding the platforms your children want access to.

It means uncomfortable conversations, repeated endlessly.

How can parents know when their child is being cyberbullied if they never look at what their child is doing online?

Vakakis encourages parents to notice when a child’s frustration around screens is really an opening for conversation, not just defiance.

“If a teenager storms in and throws their bag down, that’s not just bad behaviour,” she says. “It’s an opportunity to connect.”

Approaching these moments with curiosity rather than confrontation builds emotional regulation and makes boundaries more likely to stick.

Inviting conversation, listening and supporting, then asking the teen to put their bag away will have better results than confrontation and your teen retreating to their bedroom to go online, Vakakis says.

“You can have rules, you can have boundaries, there can be consequences, absolutely. But there are some things that need to come before that.”

Critically, parents also must reflect honestly on their own behaviour.

If we scroll endlessly, check notifications mid-conversation and prioritise screens over people, our children notice.

If we preach moderation while modelling addiction, they notice that too.

The social media ban is not a silver bullet.

It’s an opportunity for families to reset norms that have drifted too far, too fast.

Whether it succeeds or fails will depend less on algorithms and enforcement mechanisms, and more on whether we parents are willing to reclaim authority and connection in our own homes.

So, do the job.

Be the parent.

Your children will fight you now – and thank you later.